Nightmares
by Magic wizard
Summary: Snape lost Lilly to James...he knew that. But with Harry Potter's facial features and Snape's reminiscing nightmares he can't help but wonder: what if he never called her a mudblood? Rated T for cursing.
1. Chapter 1: Nightmares

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter in any way. Credit goes to Ms. Rowling for being awesome and Warner Bro's for producing the epic movie trilogy. The only thing I own is a fake wand that was "supposedly" Snape's and a quill/ink set. :P **

Chapter 1: Nightmares

Snape's Pov.

The days in Hogwarts are long and tiring. Teaching these annoying students is less than satisfactory. However, I do enjoy wacking students with my papers when they misbehave. Currently, everyone is taking their potions final. Hermine eagerly raises ner hand to signal she's done.

"Hermine, if your done your written exam, then place it on my desk." I say coldly. She does as I say very quickly and then sits down.

"Hermine since your done, I guess you can retire to your chambers." I say. She leaves quickly afterward and I can hear students muttering stupid things.

"Silence! Return back to your tests...or would you all rather recieve 0's for cheating..." They all mutter and begin working again. Ungrateful children... After everyone finishes their testing and places it on my desk they leave. Since my class is the last class of the day I can either grade or slack off. Obviously I begin grading. Draco's is at the top.

_Hmm...B- for Draco. He's obviously going to retort, but he should be grateful he got a B-_

Next is Crab's...

_D+ for Crab. He seriously needs to study more, considering how much time he puts harassing people._

After a bunch of grading I get to the one test that I was a little eager to grade...Harry Potter's. Harry is exceptional at two things...annoying the crap out of me and potions. I begin grading...

_A+ to Harry Potter... I wonder if he's using my old textbook from when I was a kid. Regardless of such, he's using it well as a resourse for studing. Wait...does Harry even study? Hmm...now that I think about it there's no way he could be studying and defeating The Dark Lord. Well regardless he still maintains an A+ average alongside Hermine Granger. I don't know how but their friend Ron Weasley happens to fail most of my tests. Funny considering how his friends are top of the class._

After I finish grading Harry's test, I yawn. I then fall asleep right there on my desk. My nighmares return to haunt me. It's always the same dream over and over again...on repeat...

A young me is roaming around the halls when suddendly James Potter, Serius Black, and some other people who are blurred out start harrassing me. They called me _"freak" _and other vial things. Then a young Lilly tries to protect me and they all laugh at me for needing a girl's help. I then yell out to the top of my lungs:

"_I don't need help from a mudblood!" _

I instantly felt regret when I saw Lilly cry or well tear up. James called me a jerk and Lilly corrected him saying we're both jerks. He then asked her out right in front of me. I kind of expected her to say no but she didn't. I felt like they did that to hurt me because for the first time, I cried. I tried hiding it and managed to run away. I whispered:

_"Sorry...Lilly..." _

But I doubt she ever heard it. Then my dream changes to another familiar scene. I'm walking into Lilly and James's new home to see their baby. Honestly, I couldn't give a damn about James's baby...all I cared about was Lilly and her baby. That may sound confusing because their baby's are one and the same...but to me it was WAY different. The Harry I see today is James...but the baby I saw that day reminded me of Lilly...especially his EYES. Anyway, I knocked on their door and their was no answer. I tried opening the door and it opened. It was forcefully opened. I began my assent up the stairs and I saw James lying their frozen cold. I was shocked but didn't feel mournful in anyway. I know it's wrong but I thought:

_That's what that bastard deserves for screwing up my life..._

I saw a room with no door and the sounds of a baby crying. I hesitantly walked in the room thinking:

_Lilly please be alive...PLEASE!_

Obviously Lilly was dead. She was stone cold; lying there motionless...no pulse...no signs of breathing... I cried for the second time in my life on that night. I remember grabbing her and begining to shed tears. They flowed down my face and I cried loudly...alongside the baby while the thurderstorm outside raged on. I then calmed down the baby...I was saddened that it looked like it's father. But I noticed a terrible scar on it's forehead...and I instantly knew who was responsible. I grabbed the baby and took it to an orfanage. It was taken by a "nice" family and Dumbledore and I began planning for the day he would arrive here at Hogwarts. Thinking back on it...I wonder if the reason that I was a death eater was because of my pain of losing Lilly. I also thought for a while that if I never called her a mudblood and maned up enough to ask her out then maybe she'd still be alive...wrapped around my arms. Gross thing is...Harry would probably be my son...

**Magic Wizard's Corner**

**Hey guys, **

**I'm soooooo excited to be writing this fan-fiction! Snape is my favorite character so I'm really enjoying writing this one. Hopefully you guy's will enjoy this too. So if you do review please and read some of my other fan-fictions! :D**

**Your's truly,**

**Magic Wizard **


	2. Chapter 2: The Past

**(There will be no Magic Wizard corner for this chapter I only want to say that I love writing this and there is more cursing in this chapter and f*** bombs have been dropped. Please enjoy)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, like I said before, all rights go to their respective owners :P**

Chapter 2: The Past

The next day, Dumbledore summons me to his office. I enter his office after class has ended and I see Dumbledore sitting there on his chair as if he is thinking about something serious.

"You wanted to see me?" I say.

That kind of startled him but he says:

"Sit down, I wanted to talk to you about something..."

I sit down across from him and there's a table between us. Dumbledore rests his arms on the table and folds them.

"I wanted to talk to you about Lilly, obviously you miss her and Harry being around is only making things worse for you because he looks just like his father. Now before you retort saying you're over her I wanted to help you talk to her one last time..."

"What! That's silly, how can I talk to her when she's already dead?" I ask.

"Its an old spell that has been forgotten so that's why few have heard about it."

Why are you doing this for me?" I ask reluctantly.

"Because I know we can't carry out our plans if you spend all night every night crying over her. Also i can't have a super tired teacher teaching my class. Think what'll happen if you fall asleep in class!"

"Fair point." I say bluntly.

"Alright so I will cast the spell on you all you need to do is think about her and only her. Got it?"

"Yes." I say. I then think of Lilly as hard as I can and Dumbledore chants the spell. I then see Lilly. Dumbledore has managed to disappear afterward because now it's just me and the spirit of Lilly.

"Lilly..."

"Snape...what am I doing here? Shouldn't I be...well...dead?"

"I brought you back so I can talk to you one last time now please just listen..."

She nods her head and I continue:

"First, I wanted to properly apologize for calling you a mudblood all those years ago. Next, I wanted to tell you that ever since I met you I had feelings for you...I have dreams...rather...nightmares of that day I called you a mudblood and visions of the night you died. They constantly play on repeat and I regret not having the courage to ask you out like James did. If I did I know we would have been happier."

"Snape..." She says.

"Lilly..."

"Snape, I'm SO sorry but I was in love with James when we entered Hogwarts, I couldn't help it, even if he was bullying you. So even if you told me, I probably would have said no...but please try to be happy...forget about me. I'm gone now...find someone who isn't gone...someone who will love you more than you love me..."

"Just forget it...I can't believe I said all that emotional crap!" I say harshly.

"Well...what did you expect me to say? That I love you? That I wish I was with you? Well those are all lies! I love James, even now and I want to be with him. You on the other hand I think of as a close friend; a best friend even. But you completely forgot about how I'd feel...you just thought I'd say yes and somehow divorce my husband for you even though I'm dead and your alive. Look Snape, I'm sorry I can't be with you..."

"Fuck my life...why do I deserve to lose the girl I loved to fucking James! Why him out of all people? Why!"

"I got to go, I can't stand around here and let you curse my husband out. Goodbye Snape..."

She vanishes and I then cried for the third time in my life. Dumbledore manages to reappear into his room after I had stopped crying and says:

"If you want, you can take the day off tomorrow. I can get someone to cover for you..."

"No thanks, I just need to sleep it off."

"Alright...well have a nice night."

I leave his office and mutter:

"Damn James always screwing up my already fucked up life."


	3. Chapter 3: Potions Class

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, short and simple :P**

Chapter 3: Potions Class

I lie awake the whole entire night thinking about what Lilly said. She was right...

I was selfish...how did I expect her to say she loved me back...

I get out of bed and exhaustion hits me...hard. I jump into the shower and let the warm water wake me up. I then change, grab my wand, and head to my classroom. When I arrive I begin preparing for class. When class begins I introduce today's lesson; Polyjuice Potion.

"How do you brew Polyjuice Potion?" I ask.

Hermine instantly raises her hand.

"Besides Hermine." I say.

She lowers her head and I sigh.

"No one?" I say.

Everyone remains quiet.

"Then pay attention and write this down." I say.

"First, you add three measures of fluxweed to the caldron. Then, add two bundles of knotgrass. Afterward, stir three times, clockwise."

I pause and see some students writing quickly and others not paying attention.

"There WILL be a test on this, by the way...and it'll count for 25% of your final grade. So PAY ATTENTION!"

I then continue.

"Then, wave your wand and let it brew for 80 minutes since we are using Pewter Caldrons. However if you were using a Brass caldron it would only require 68 minutes. But if you used a Copper caldron it would be only 60 minutes. Anyway, then you add two scoopfuls of lacewing to the motar, crush to a fine powder, and then add two measures of the crushed lacewing to the caldron. Then, Heat for thirty seconds on low heat. Finally, you wave your wand and you complete the first stage of the potion."

Tomorrow, I will teach you the second stage and preform a demonstration. Then I will let you practice. Your final will be a week from now. Dismissed."

Everyone leaves in a big bunch and Hermine is last to leave. She seems to be carrying many books. I happened to notice Harry isn't carrying any books except his potion's book. I wonder if Hermine is doing his work for him...that would make sense; considering the fact that he's:

1. Too Precise with his answers and responses.

2. He's James' son.

3. He's too busy trying to solve mysteries that The Ministry should deal with.

Anyway, I can't help but wonder if I could talk to James one last time, but I srug it off.

**Magic Wizard's Corner**

**Hey Guys, this chapter was just a chapter to prove that Snape actually does his job in my fanfic. Cause honestly, I felt like he was doing nothing in his class. Next chapter will defeinently be better and longer. I promise I will either introduce James or show a new side to Snape. Better yet, I'll put it off for a week and let you readers REVIEW on which one you prefer. If there is no reviews on which one you prefer, then I will pick, and it won't be as good as I promise. Oh and hopefully I won't have to drop any F*** bombs anymore. But if I do I will warn you guys, like I did before.**

**-Magic Wizard **


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